Paper Cuts
by alisonkim428
Summary: Sort-of sequel to The Baker Boy. Hazel and Finn had always been friends, and they wouldn't want it any other way. But as they grow older, feelings begin to arise for Hazel and she continues to question whether she wants to be just friends with Finn, or maybe more.
1. Chapter 1

**Hi! This is the sort-of-sequel to my other story, _The Baker Boy_. Thanks for reading!**

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"Hazel! Finn is here!" My mother shouted from downstairs as I scowled at the reflection of the mirror. The dress I was wearing wasn't exactly my style, but my mother had forced me to wear something nice for prom. At least it was loose and flowing, unlike the dress that my best friend, Serena Hawthorne, was going to wear tonight.

"Alright!" I yelled back, slightly nervous. I grabbed the thin brown clutch holding my phone and some cash and ran down the dark wood stairs.

I smiled as I saw Finn, who was _not_ my boyfriend, although half of Panem high seemed to think differently, conversating with my mother, about who knows what. Just like his father, Finnick Odair, Finn's the definition of charming, or so my mother told me. I find Finn absolutely annoying.

Finally reaching the last step, I carefully placed my feet onto the ground, my feet already in pain. My mother had, just like the dress I was wearing, forced me to wear these heels. Although they were only one-inch heels, they weren't exactly Vans that I always wore to school.

"You look great Hazel," Finn could barely complement me without snickering. I threw a punch at his shoulder, rolling my eyes. "Joking, joking, Hazel. You look... _average_." Again, he laughs. Another punch at his shoulder.

My mother shakes her head in disappointment. "Hazel, punching our date to the dance isn't very lady-like," She scolds, but still has a hint of a smile on her face. She looks at my dad, love in her eyes, before looking back at Finn.

"She better be back by midnight Finn, or you'll be in big trouble," Mother warns, raising her eyebrows, turning her head towards me as she says '_big trouble'_, as if I was the trouble-maker. I can't help but roll my eyes when she turns her head. Finn catches this and lets out a somewhat silent laugh.

And so after a bit of fussing with my dress, which doesn't exactly lighten the blush on my cheeks when my father reminds Finn and I to "behave ourselves" as if we were going to have bathroom sex during the dance. We finally leave the house and walk to Finn's prized possession, his bright blue vintage Mustang. Handed over generation-to-generation, he takes it with great care, occasionally the car first, friends second.

As we walk there, my hand automatically slips into his, something that isn't a surprise or out of the ordinary in any way. I don't know when we started doing this, and my parents have occasionally seen us holding hands and wiggling their eyebrows suggestively towards me, but I don't really care. Finn and I don't like each other romantically, or at least I don't think we do in any way. Finn wouldn't ever like me. He's handsome, much too good-looking for me to ever admit to him, for him to ever like me in any other way than the way we are right now. I'm much too plain for him, not plastering the pounds of makeup that other girls do at school. Plus, he's a senior and I'm a junior.

"Excited?" He asks me as he opens the door for me, again, nothing out of the ordinary.

Finn had asked me to the dance, not because he really wanted me going with him, but because of a pact we made when I had become a freshmen and he was a sophomore. We had each promised each other that if no one, or at least no one decent, had asked us to the dance, we would go together. Girls had probably risked much humiliation and the fear of embarrassment to ask Finn, only to be rejected. I asked Finn once about this, only getting the response that the girls who had asked him were all faker than a Barbie doll.

"I guess," I say, shrugging. "You've got to remember that dances aren't exactly my thing, these occasions are for girls like Serena." I pull a piece of green fabric as evidence. "I can't stand getting dressed up for one night and pretending to love the spiked punch."

"Oh come on, Hazel, you don't like going to dances with me?" Finnick gives me a pout, failing as his lips curl up into a small smile.

I roll my eyes. "Finn, as much as I _just love_ going to these school-held dances," I add extra sarcasm to my voice, "I'm going to have to say that I'm not exactly in love with the smell of sweat in the gym and the shitty music that they play."

"Party pooper," Finn mutters before starting the car, turning the music up to the highest volume, the radio playing _Scream and Shout_.

"Jesus Finn, I never thought that you'd go as low as to listening to post-rehab Britney and will. i. am.," I tease, having to shout over the radio. I barely hear Finn laughing over the music, finally turning it down to a barely respectable level.

We finally reach a circular driveway, a white mansion sitting behind a perfectly trimmed green lawn. Serena's house. We head toward the French doors, pressing on the white doorbell before stepping back.

One of the doors opens up to reveal Serena, gorgeous in a simple white dress, peplum, I think she called it, was the design. I didn't really listen much when it came to dress talk. Her blonde hair was in perfect curls, her makeup done expertly; no doubt some professional did it for her. She stood without a wobbling at all in a pair of sky-high sparkling silver heels. I felt completely underdressed in my asymmetrical green dress and short black heels, my hair in a quickly-tied braid. Finn should have asked Serena.

"Hey guys!" Serena grinned, clutching a matching sparkly clutch in her hand. Her parents, Madge and Gale, stood behind her with proud smiles upon their faces.

"You look great Serena," I complimented, giving her an awkward smile. I involuntarily teetered on my heels, nearly falling. Luckily, Finn's hand grabs my arm before I could fall face first onto the patio.

Serena gave me a bright smile. "Thanks, but you look _much_ better than me Hazel. My hair was such a pain in the ass." I laugh, mostly for the fact that she's only saying that I look '_much better'_ was because she feels bad.

"No compliments for me? I didn't get in this tux for no reason!" Finn whines girlishly, flipping his non-existent bangs in a Justin Bieber-like way. Serena giggles, turning bright red. I'm almost positive that she had a crush on him, but this was also Serena, who turned into a tomato at even the slightest joke.

"You look very pretty tonight Finn," I sigh. Finn nods in approval, giving me a smile and a wink, forcing me to blush involuntarily. _Jesus, why did I have to be such a girl?_

Serena, Finn, and I all eventually walk back to the car, Serena and I's shoes clapping the multi-brown pebbled driveway. Again, Finn and I walk together, holding hands. Serena raises an eyebrow, as if she's never seen it before, but I just narrow my eyes before turning my head back forward.

"Let prom night begin," Finn mutters before we begin driving out and toward the school.

And so the whole drive there, Finn complains about my taste in music as I slide in a Dexy's Midnight Runners album, to which I ignore, singing along to the sound of Kevin Rowland's singing, while Serena talks about how she hopes that her date, Steven Evens, gives her a corsage.

Finally, we park and I can't help but think, _let's get this over with_. It won't be too bad having Finn as my date, but it wasn't like I especially wanted to go. My mother had told me that when I got older, I'd regret not going, although I'm almost sure that I was going to regret going and having my feet stepped on my Finn.

"Where do you think Steven is?" Serena asks desperately as we walk into the sweaty gym, couples bumping into us every once in a while. Finn's arm is looped around mine and I can't help but be glad for it, especially since I know I'd probably face plant onto the ground, or worse, fall on someone.

Serena leaves us as she finally sees Steven, who was currently nose-to-nose with another girl. Finn and I watched as Serena stomped over to Steven furiously, pointing into his chest, her face visibly red even in the dim lights of the gym. We watch him argue and raise his hands up in protest before she finally grabs his shirt and kisses him deeply. Finn and I look at each other in disgust and confusion.

"Is that how arguments are fixed?" Finn joked, poking my rib with his elbow, snickering.

I sigh. "I hope that Serena is the only one who believes that making out completely solves a fight."

"Just warning you, if we get in an argument, I'm not kissing you," Finn warns, laughing. My cheeks redden at the thought of kissing Finn. It's not like I've never thought about it before, being best friends with the opposite sex usually raises a couple eyebrows on occasion. But it's not like that would ever happen; Finn and I are strictly friends, and always will be. I wouldn't ever be able to see it any other way.

"I wouldn't count on it," I reply awkwardly. Finn doesn't reply.

An uncommon silence occurs and I feel the need to say something, but I can't. The only thing I hear is the incredibly horrible music blasting from the nearby speakers, and I need to listen to Finn laugh or talk or something to distract me from it.

"Want to dance?" Finn suddenly asks, forcing me from my other thoughts. I sigh in relief, until I realize the song is soft and slow. Of course it is.

"Sure," I say, joining one hand with Finn's, the other on his shoulder, his on my waist. We sway awkwardly to the sound of Adele, avoiding the glares of girls who I'm sure Finn had rejected. It wasn't completely rare, but it was still just as uncomfortable as it had been the first time.

And so I ignore Finn's feet squishing my toes, and I try to keep my hands from getting sweaty. My trying obviously wasn't good enough, because my hands stay that way until the end of the song and we let go.

"Maybe you should start wearing steel-toed shoes when we go to dances together," Finn suggests, snickering. "I'm really am sorry about stepping on you though."

"I'll keep the steel-toed shoes in mind Finn," I give him a tight-lipped smile before sitting back on the wooden bleachers, putting my hands in my lap.

Finn sighs, sitting down next to me. "Do you think Serena's caught Steven trying to hook up with some other girl while she grabs two cups of spiked punch yet?"

"I'm sure that it would turn into a big scene if she did catch him."

"Who do you like Hazel?"

The sudden question startles me, and I look at him with narrowed eyes, confused. "Why?"

"I dunno, we're best friends and we don't even know who the other likes," Finn says, almost a little too quickly.

I sigh, crossing my legs. "No one, to be honest. I don't think any guy really would notice me even if I did. I'm not exactly a Scarlet Stentson, so I'm not really getting date requests every day."

Scarlet Stentson was basically the classic popular girl. Blonde, blue eyes. The only thing about her that made me jealous was the fact that she didn't wear any makeup, making her naturally beautiful. Her clothes were a bit proactive to say the least. She was head of the student council, cheer captain, won practically every crown to every school dance. She flaunts every boy she dates as if they were her new purse.

"Everybody has a crush on someone Hazel," Finn says knowingly, nudging me in the arm playfully.

I huff in slight annoyance. "Well I don't."

"You tell me who you like and I'll tell you?" Finn pleads.

"Are we really playing that game?"

"Yes."

"I told you, I don't like anyone," I insist. I look straight into Finn's eyes, making sure he knows I don't like anyone. Just looking into his emerald eyes slightly makes my heart flutter but I ignore it. _Just hormones._

Finn turns his head back to the crowd of people, now crowding around the small mobile platform they had put opposite of the deejay table. Prom queen and king, I assume is what people are getting so excited for. I never understood what the point of getting a crown then having to dance with whoever got the other crown was. It sounds a little awkward and uncomfortable, honestly. This year, Serena had been nominated. So I had to deal with even more dance talk than I was used to.

"You want to see who won?" Finn asks, standing up, holding out his hand for me to take.

I sigh and nod, knowing that if I don't go and support Serena, she'd probably kill me.

And so we walk together toward the platform, watching the three girls stand anxiously, watching the fourth girl run up the platform quickly, sex hair, her face flushed, and a piece of toilet paper sticking to her heel. _Just what my father had warned me about what not to do._ I hold on my snicker.

"Gee, couldn't pick a classier prom queen nominee, don't you think?" Finn asks, sarcasm dripping in his tone.

"A possible prom queen walking back from bathroom sex is exactly what the other female students of Panem High School need to see and think '_I want to be exactly like her'_," I roll my eyes. Finn snickers and we turn our attention back to the stage as we hear Serena's name called from the microphone.

"And prom queen goes to…" The deejay pauses dramatically, "_Serena Hawthorne!_"

I can't help but smile for my best friend as her eyebrows scrunch up in confusion, disbelief across her face as they place the plastic crown upon her gold-spun hair. She nearly trips on her four-inch heels as she runs up to the microphone to give her speech.

I know this is going to sound really bad, but I tune her out. Yes, she's my best friend, but I came to see if she had won or not, isn't that enough?

Finn slips his hand away from mine and I look at him in confusion. _What is he doing? Is he bored of me? Maybe he's going to congratulate Serena?_ She's still on the stage though.

Finn stands uncomfortably next to three other boys on the platform and I raise my eyebrows toward him until I realize that Finn was nominated for prom king. Both of my only friends, nominated for prom queen and king.

I hear Finn's name get called out for winning the title of prom king, and I give him my best congratulatory smile until I realize he's going to dance with Serena. It shouldn't matter to me, but it does. I don't know why but it angers me, really.

And so a crowd surrounds Finn and Serena as they dance, and they almost look too perfect together. They look probably nothing like Finn and I had, when we had danced, we were awkward and bumbling. But not Finn and Serena.

Soon enough the crowd dissolved and spread out into other places in the gym and I was left sitting on the bleachers, alone. And so like the loner I am, I watched Finn and Serena dance, both of them smiling and talking.

Yes, they're both friends, but they aren't as close as I am with each of them. It angers me that I'm Finn's best friend and date, but he's still dancing with Serena although no one's watching anymore.

And I didn't want to admit that it hurt when Finn leaned down to kiss Serena, and I definitely couldn't admit how I felt when she kissed him back with pure passion.

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**Oh no.. So next chapter's going to be a lot of drama and fighting with Hazel and Finn and Hazel trying to figure out her feelings.. Was the first chapter good or bad? Thanks for reading! Please review!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Thank you to everyone who reviewed! I know that Katniss & Peeta's children and Finnick & Annie's son aren't as popular as Everlark itself (obviously), and so I really wasn't expecting anybody to review, so thank you bunches! Thanks for reading!**

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Paper cuts.

The pain feels like pieces of thin paper slicing through my heart.

Do I like Finn?

No, I don't. I can't.

I'm just annoyed.

I watch Finn whisper things into Serena's ear, probably mumbling things about how they need to go somewhere private so I won't be able to find them and I'll just be stranded and _how funny that would be. _

_Get a hold of yourself_, I yell at myself silently, _Finn is your best friend, he wouldn't do that_. Would he? I can't help but ask myself that.

And so I just keep my focus on them as they spin around the gym, laughing, probably having the time of their lives. While I sit here on the bleachers, like the loser I am.

Then I notice Finn and Serena twirling toward _me_. Do they understand that I really don't want the front row seats to the _Finn and Serena Show_, or do they just not care that their best friend is alone?

"Hazel!" Serena giggles, looking down toward me, still dancing. I barely give her a second glace, instead watching the other couples.

"Congrats," I say flatly. I want to tell her to stop dancing with Finn because no one is watching and she shouldn't have kissed him back because he wasn't interested in her, or was he? Well, I suppose you don't kiss someone you don't like, now do you? I couldn't help but think about when he had asked me about who I had a crush on; did he want to ask me about Serena? Get her blessing, or whatever you call the confirmation for letting your best friend suck face with your other friend?

Serena doesn't seem to sense my annoyance. "Hey, Finn and I are going to leave now and we were thinking about leaving alone, is it alright if you can get another ride?" Serena's voice sounds much too full of hope to be able to call her my best friend.

"What about Steven?" I ask, hoping she freaks out and runs back to him and completely forgets about Finn, but she just maintains her grin.

"He told me that if I was prom queen and danced with the prom king then I wasn't his date anymore," She pouts for a second before it brightens back up, "At first, I was angry, but now, I really don't mind." She gives Finn a kiss on the cheek, making me cringe. She doesn't seem to catch it though.

I can barely manage out my words. "Alright, you guys go ahead and have fun; I'll get another ride home." I try to make my voice sound as miserable and sarcastic as possible in hopes that they decide to change their mind and decide that they should in fact give me a ride. But of course, things don't always work out the way you want. Example: tonight.

"Thanks Hazel! Love you!" Serena gives me a bright smile before I watch them run over to the metal doors and away from my vision. Although I can't be sure if they really were out of my sight, my eyes had started to become dotted with wetness that I only wish I could blame on dust that had fallen from the ceiling. That was one of the very few perks to having a very small amount of friends: when you don't want anyone to ask about things you don't feel the need to share, no one does.

And so I just tap my foot to the music, trying to distract myself from the situation that had happened so suddenly. Within fifteen minutes, my friends had left me. And the worst part was that I had done nothing wrong.

Had Serena mentioned her crush on Finn during on one her one-sided conversations about prom? Maybe I should have listened to her. Then I might've had more time to fix the problem that was now at hand.

What was the problem anyways? It wasn't like I liked Finn. Sure, he was handsome and funny, but he was annoying as hell. And not to mention that he hated the music that I loved. We're complete opposites, we'd never get along dating, we barely do being friends.

And so I sigh, walking out of the dimmed out gym, pulling my phone out of the small clutch that I had _just so happened to borrow from Serena_, flipping through contacts till I reach my mother's phone number.

"Can you pick me up?" I ask after the ringing stops, the annoyance in my voice obvious.

"Isn't Finn driving you home?" I can picture my mother standing in the kitchen, leaning against the island, her eyebrows scrunched up in confusion. The little water that had only made my eyes look a bit glassy were now threatening to cascade down cheeks that I was almost positive were a splotchy red.

And so I take a deep breath and sigh, hoping that it keeps in the tears for just long enough to go outside and get my mother to come. "He's with Serena," I mumble. I must sound pathetic. I'm sure my mother wished for a daughter who had friends and dressed like a girl, instead of me, the shy quiet junior who could only maintain two stable friends until tonight.

"Are you guys alright? Did he say something? If he did, I have no problem talking to Annie and-" She sounds like she really does want to help but doesn't know how to. I shake my head, but realize that I'm still on the phone.

"It's fine mom, can you please just pick me up and we can talk in the car or something?" I interject.

"Alright Hazel, but you have to promise that we're going to talk about this tonight."

"Promise."

"Okay then, I'll be there in about ten minutes." Then I hear the line click off.

OxO

"We're talking about this whether you want to or not," my mother warns me as I pull myself up onto the front seat, sighing.

I nod. "I know."

"So what happened with Finn and Serena?"

I explained to her everything. She didn't interrupt me, for which I was glad about, nor did she give me any sympathetic looks. We just sat in the parking lot, while I talked and my mother held a blank expression, although I could tell she was listening. Mom and I had never really had these daughter-mother talks really, we aren't particularly close, but I was glad to be able to open up to her tonight.

When I finally finished, she just nodded, her expression still unreadable. I knit my eyebrows in confusion. Was she going to lecture me on how I needn't be so jealous about my friends' relationships and how they needed their own lives too?

"Do you like Finn, Hazel?" My mother asks, her voice careful.

_Do I?_

The tears are freely falling down now and I don't make any effort to stop them. "Maybe," I whisper.

She nods again. "I met your father over the summer before senior year, did you know that?" I shake my head.

"Well, I did. I met him in the bakery that he manages now, when your grandfather had been the owner. And so we became friends and I liked him a lot, much more than I thought I did."

"And so when he kissed, defended, said anything positive about some other girl, I would get jealous. Little did I know, your father had a crush on _me_," my mother laughs and I manage a small smile.

"Life is tough Hazel. You're going to go through many ups and downs, nothing is ever going to maintain perfect. Every rose has its thorn. But I also want to help you the best I can. You're my daughter Hazel, and we don't talk much. We need to do this more often, I don't think I'll be able to talk about football and girls with Jack, that's more of your father's forte," My mother gives me a smile before starting the car.

I wipe a salty tear that had dripped toward my chin. "Thanks mom," I mumble softly. She turns toward me and gives me a smile, nodding.

"I'm always here for you Hazel, no matter what."

"Thanks."

"Do you think you like Finn, though?"

"I think so," I breathe in and out deeply, the paper cuts growing deeper.

"Don't avoid Serena, alright? You shouldn't risk a friendship just because of a boy. Even if it's Finn. Don't try to sabotage their relationship either, if you like Finn like you say you do, you'd want him to be happy. Let their relationship go where they take it, alright?" My mother warns, turning her head back toward me for a second before watching the road again.

"I won't ruin their relationship. As much as I can already feel the vomit coming back up from my throat just thinking about seeing them kissing in the hall, they're still my best friends. Who are probably dating," I mutter the last sentence in annoyance.

"Hazel, they aren't engaged. Don't worry about it. From the way that I know them, they won't last long. Not that they're bad people, no, but from a mother's point of view, I don't see them still dating in a year," My mother sighs, fiddling the tip of her braid with her index finger and thumb.

"I guess," I mumble as the car parks into the driveway. I walk into the house after my mother, closing the door, running up the stairs.

My mother looks up at me one more time, her grey eyes watching me. "Don't take it too seriously, alright Hazel?"

"Alright mom. Goodnight," I say before shutting the door to my bedroom. I strip my dress from my body and change back into a pair of sweats and a loose baggy shirt that I had borrowed from Finn once and never thought to give back. Just the familiar smell of sea salt and a bit of Axe cologne makes me tear up, and so I just lie in my bed, clutching a pillow until I finally fall asleep.

OxO

I awake to a sound of pebbles hitting the window. Finn.

It wasn't unusual to wake up on a weekend like this, he never seemed to like to go up to the front door like a regular person and so he always instead threw rocks. Luckily, none have broken the window yet.

I groan, remembering the events last night as I crack the window open to see Finn, in a pair of baggy grey sweats and a similar-colored muscle tee, showing off his arms. I can't help but blush, and I couldn't be happier to have distance away from him.

"My fair maiden, do I have the privilege to watch a movie with you?" Finn shouts, a crystal-white smile on his face as he sets one hand right above his eyebrows, blocking away the sun from his eyes.

I sigh. "Shouldn't you be with Serena?" It came out a little ruder than I had meant it to, but at the moment, I wasn't really caring much at all for anything.

"I told her that I wanted to hang out with my best friend," He yells back, the cheeky grin still upon his face despite my harsh interjection.

I slam the window shut and run down the stairs, opening the door. I run across the grass as the hot white sun beats down on my bare neck, already feeling the slight burn of the beams. I finally see Finn, his back against the side of the neighbor's house, hand still shielding away the blaze.

"Hey Finn," I greet coolly, crossing my arms across my chest.

He nods toward me, the amusement that had shown brightly across his face now fading into only a slight smirk. "What's with you, Mellark?"

"What's with you and Serena?" I lash back, my voice dripping with venom. I know that I shouldn't sound so jealous, but I really am. Especially since Serena, who was _definitely_ not his best friend since before they were even crawling, was enough to leave me in the dust.

He narrowed his eyes. "Why do you care?"

"Because you two left me there. At prom. Alone. Do you know how much that really hurt? Did you really think I _wanted_ to be left alone, without a ride? No, I didn't Finn. So that's what's 'with me'." I sigh, already emotionally tired, ready to cry. I begin to quickly walk back to the front door when Finn calls out my name.

"I'm sorry, alright? Serena just wanted to talk and she was telling me about how prom wasn't the right place to start talking about things and I don't know… But we're dating now and so I hope it was okay. That's what we were talking about, and that's pretty serious. You understand, right?" Finn looks hopeful, one half of his mouth curled up in a crooked grin.

I shake my head, taking a deep breath in. "Go watch a movie with Serena; after all, you _are_ dating her." I start to walk back in the direction I came from, the tears welling up again.

"Alright then. Call me back when you're off your period Hazel."

I whip back around, knitting my eyebrows. I march toward him, not sadness fueling this, but anger.

"Shut the hell up Finn," I stick my index finger into his chest, then put my hand out and push him backward, forcing him to stumble back. "You think that I'm all that happy to go to school on Monday and see you and Serena making out around the corner? No, I'm really not. So when you stop being a dick, then you can come back and apologize."

Finn's face softens and I almost feel bad about it. I almost want to come back and hug him, tell him I'm sorry. _Almost_. Not enough.

"Why don't we _all_ just watch a movie together, just all be a happy family, like we used to?" He shouts from behind me, the usual confidence faltering in his voice.

I look at him once last time. "Since last night, I doubt that we can go back to how _we used to_." And with that, I turn back and leave him standing in the blinding sun.

Although it felt great to confront him about everything that I've been feeling, my heart throbs with heartbreak twice as much as it did last night.

OxO

"Oh Hazel," My mother murmurs, her hand petting my raven hair in sympathy, her grey eyes worried as I sob.

I can only whimper in response as more tears begin to shed, dribbling down to my chin, hitting the dinner table. The only thing I could ever be glad about now was the fact that neither Jack nor dad was home.

"It's okay to lash out, don't get so down on yourself. I had a lot of fights with your father, but we worked them out, just like you and Finn will, alright? And I know that you guys are going to fix this, or at least you're going to try," Her steely-grey eyes bore into my blue ones, and through the visual communication, I already know that I've promised to apologize without saying anything.

"How do you know?" I ask anyway, although I know that I've already agreed to.

"Because when you love someone, you'll do whatever it takes to get them back. Don't believe in that saying, '_if you love something, set it free_'. It's complete bullshit, you'll just lose that person," She chuckles, and I can't help but let out a small laugh. "The people important to you are the ones worth fighting for. You can't just sit back and relax and just let things run their course."

"I just don't know what I'll do when I go back to school," I mumble, biting my lip. "I guess I'll just go friendless until I have the guts to apologize, huh?"

She gives me a sad smile. "The reality is that people don't like to say sorry, even when they're the ones at fault. I'm not saying that you weren't at fault either," She gives me a look, "But I don't think that they'll be wanting to apologize soon, or at least until they really understand how you felt last night."

I nod, tears that had stayed at my chin now hitting my sweatpants-clad lap. I take a deep breath in and then out, my mind much too overloaded to think about any possible ways to fix this now. Perhaps tomorrow, I'll be a little more settled with the fact that I had lost the only friends I had.

"Thanks mom," I look down, dragging my feet across the carpet.

She kisses the top of my head in a motherly fashion before getting up from her seat and walking toward the kitchen, probably stirring up some sort of stew that Jack and I will pretend to love but then only wish in our minds that our father had made something instead.

And so I march up the stairs, my feet traveling two by two, until I finally get to the top and continue to drag my feet again. It wasn't like I could try to stop the moping; it was sort of inevitable. Impossible to escape, pain was. It was a torturous spirit that trapped itself in your own soul. Attacked you deep within your heart, the erratic beating you felt in your chest were really the demons beating you until you were so emotionally done that you couldn't help but want to just stop living for just a while, until things got better on its own. It wasn't a common feeling for me, no, but I didn't exactly welcome it when it came along to haunt me.

_Describing your pain isn't going to help you get Finn back Hazel_, I reminded myself as I opened the door.

Once again, I retired to bed just as I had the night before, the many emotions bubbled up inside me until it eventually consumed me, the demons creeping its way into my sleep.

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**So Hazel is confused about her feelings, but she knows that she'll have to apologize to Finn at one point. But of course, love is never painless and it's always a battlefield, no matter how hard you try to keep it going smooth, there will always be a sort of conflict in your life. **

**Also, I got that quote that Katniss had said from an old book that I had probably read like seven years ago in sixth grade english class, but the quote has been embedded into my brain ever since. The book is called Esperanza Rising and although I hated it as an assignment, it actually wasn't too bad when you were forced to write papers on it and everything.**

**Anyways, thanks for reading! Was it good or bad? Please review and send any suggestions if you'd like!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Hey guys! lol, sorry for not updating for like a month? I promise that this is a long chapter though. I had a huge writer's block and it came out as shit so I'm SUPER sorry about that, seriously. But thanks for the people who had reviewed before!**

* * *

When I had dreams like these, they typically occurred before tests or due to the result of something small such as not eating dinner. But last night's torment was not due to a lack of food.

Today was Sunday and although I had expected myself to get my head screwed on straight by the time the weekend had ended, it had done the exact opposite. It had unbolted and let itself fall apart; the many demons that had once punctured my heart were now making its way to my brain to destroy it, trying to end me for good. I only hoped that Finn would help me escape the torture that I could not run from without him, but of course, that wouldn't be happening for a long while. Not until I would apologize for something _I didn't even do_.

I dragged myself off the bed, forcing my legs to move, although they were jelly under me. I felt like I had just run thirty miles without a break, although I had done nothing but mope all weekend.

I wished that it had all been some sort of terrible dream; but when I clicked my phone on to see there wasn't the usual "good morning" text from Finn, I could feel disappointment raging inside of me. Not disappointed at Finn, not at Serena, but at myself. For starting some stupid jealous little fight for no absolute reason. It was childish really; I was acting like some possessive ex-girlfriend, although Finn and I never have dated and I know that after this, we never will.

The more I argued with him lessened the chance of Finn ever returning any feelings for me, so what was the point of even thinking about him? He's with Serena anyways, and I doubt that will change for a while.

But I do end up thinking about him, of course.

My stomach flips and turns thinking about tomorrow, no friends to sit with during lunch, no partners for biology class. But what's going to be even worse- after school.

You see, when I began high school, my father promised me a job. And then he later gave one to Finn. So we worked the same shifts, which was great, because if I wasn't, I'd either have to work with my brother Jack, or Lauren Cartwright; who wasn't necessarily bad, but she was a bit too chatty than what I was used to.

And so now I'll have to go to the bakery after school tomorrow and face Finn and just hope that I don't make myself look even dumber and more jealous than I already am.

OxO

The bell rings once again, signaling the end of school. I want to groan, cry, or maybe even drop to the floor and get into fetal position. But I instead just lower my head down, clutching my green binder as I walk out the door as slowly as possible, dreading the moment when I'll have to go to work.

Maybe dad will let me off the hook, telling me that I've worked enough for the past three years and I need a well-deserved break. But that won't happen. Because life never turns out the way you want it to, no matter how shitty it already is.

Serena had given me death glares in biology, her steely grey eyes burning through the back of my head while our teacher drowned on and on about how we needed to be careful when dissecting the cat when no one was actually listening. She sat next to Scarlet Stentson who gave me a Cheshire cat grin as I walked in. I ended up sitting with Jehanna Crane, who painted her nails a sultry red, burning my nose with the smell of acetate.

So obviously, Finn had told Serena everything that I had said to him on Saturday. _Fantastic_.

Finn had passed by me in the halls between second and third period, his emerald eyes flickering in my direction before looking back in front of him, as if us locking eyes for the mere milliseconds never happened. I couldn't help but wish that when he looked toward me that he would come up to me and talk, apologizing about leaving me on prom night when I was his date, or how he shouldn't have said the things he had said on Saturday although I'm sure I deserved it. I just wanted things to be okay again.

Instead of the usual ride in Finn's electric blue car, I had to take the piece of junk that was my mother's old Honda model from billions of years ago, perhaps when she was my age. The car often stops on the short three miles over to the bakery, six times to be exact. If I would have been riding in Finn's car, it would have been a smooth transition from the prison that was school to the bakery.

"_Jesus_," I mutter, slamming the silver door of the car shut, marching toward the light wooden door, the open sign falling to the flour-dusted floor as I slam the door open. I groan, bending down to pick up the sign when I take a sudden blow to my side, knocking me to the ground. I immediately grasp my arm, which had taken the direct hit. The door is still open, the sun blinding me, forcing me to squint to see who the suspect of the crime is. But I see nothing but the bronze hair of a boy, or maybe a man. When mystery man finally shuts the door, I finally get a look at who it is. Finn, of course.

"Oh, sorry," Finn scrunches his eyebrows in concern, as if he had forgotten that we were mad at each other. He pulls out his hand for me to take but I decline it and push myself off from the ground myself, dusting the white powder from my dark clothes.

He gives me a quizzical look before walking over to the counter, gathering ingredients before mixing them all together in the silver bowl, his face concentrated. I almost want to smile, but I know I can't. So I instead make use of myself and sweep the starchy floors until only the seams in the wood flooring are caked with whiteness. I sigh in satisfaction, looking at the work I had done. It wasn't baking, but at least I wasn't behind the counter yelling at Finn.

"So where were you at school today?" Finn asks, as if nothing had ever happened to us. I almost want to walk toward him and slap him until his cheeks are about as red as the nail polish Jehanna had been painting her nails with. Instead, I just narrowed my eyes at him. What was his plan? To pretend that everything that I had told him Saturday was a joke?

I looked down at the floor and began sweeping again, although there was nothing else that I could do. "I don't know, where were you and Serena?" I bite, looking at him as I spit venom in the words _you and Serena_.

He gives me a guilty look, one that almost makes me feel bad and make me want to take my words back. But I don't completely. This is war. People get hurt and things change, even if it's for the worst.

"I'm sorry, okay? Look, it's not Serena and my fault because we like each other. We didn't know that we were supposed to get some sort of permission slip from you or some sort of blessing to let us date. Just let us do what we wanna do. We can still all be friends like we used to, or at least boyfriend, girlfriend, and best friend." He gives me a pleading look; his green eyes a shimmering emerald as they look straight into mine. But all I can do is roll my eyes. After being friends with someone for this long, you know the tricks they use to get you to cave.

He gets out from behind the counter, going in for a hug, his toned, tanned arms attempting to wrap around my shoulders but they never make it there. Instead, my fist flies and punches his cheek, leaving a strawberry red stain, as if he were blushing furiously on one side of his face. But he does not narrow his eyes angrily at me, but instead gives me a lost look, full of deep pain and childish innocence.

"What?" He asks, his eyebrows knitting adorably, and I almost regret socking him. Almost.

"Don't hug me when you know that I'm not going to forgive you. Not yet, Finn," I explain, dragging my black, flour-covered shoes behind the counter, avoiding his eyes that I know are staring straight at me. I try to focus on the bread that Finn had been working on, kneading it before sliding it into the brick oven. I glance at Finn for a millisecond, who catches my eye, but I quickly look back down, looking back at the recipe for sugar cookies.

"Okay Hazel," Finn mutters, just loud enough for me to hear. He's suddenly behind me, looking over my shoulder, before he walks over to the fridge, pulling out the ingredients.

We make the cookies in silence, occasionally bumping into each other and mumbling out unmeaningful apologies, or at least I don't mean it when my shoulder collides with Finn's.

I'm forming the dough into neat little balls when I feel something hit the back of my head. I first feel my neck, where the targeted area was, touching something sticky. I realize that it's cookie dough, and the criminal for the offence was Finn. He stands behind me sheepishly, but the corners of his mouth soon curl up, and soon enough, he's laughing loud enough for the entire city of Panem to hear.

"What the hell?" I ask, venom dripping from my voice, unamused. He thought that throwing cookie dough was a great idea when I was clearly still annoyed with him?

Finn gets over his laughing spasm. "Sorry Hazey," Hazey was a nickname that he used to call me, back when we were in elementary school and we didn't care about dating or backstabbing. We were just _us_. "It was an honest accident." His face tries to contort into some sort of innocent look but soon turns back into the same old mischievous grin.

I don't respond, my face turning too red for me to possibly say something without stuttering upon my words. Nobody comes in until the devil, Serena, comes walking in, who I can see from the corner of my eye raising her eyebrows in what I assume is Finn's direction.

"Hey Finn, can I get some chocolate chip cookies? They were _so_ good when we hung out Saturday night," Serena asks, probably smirking. I'm closer to the cookies, but I don't dare object and grab them for her just to see her evil grey eyes practically laughing at me.

"Actually, I think Hazel here made those chocolate cookies that night," Finn keeps his voice casual, as if none of us were in a fight, none of us were ignoring each other, and none of us definitely not practically forcing them to sit next to Jehanna Crane.

I snap my head up in confusion. What was he trying to do, kill me?

"Actually, I think Jack made those that night," I mumble, lying as I lower my head back down, trying to focus on the bread that I'm now kneading, although I think I'm more like punching the dough.

I can practically picture Serena rolling her eyes, tucking a golden curl behind her ear. "Well, I need to get some of those cookies. Finn, _baby_, get me some, will you?" I feel the urge to throw my hands up in the air as I hear her call Finn _baby_. What was he, a pre-schooler?

Finn only walks over and bags the cookies, walking over to the register to have her pay.

"Don't I get a girlfriend discount here?" Serena asked, probably sticking her lipstick-coated bottom lip out as if she were a puppy who needed food.

I scoff, knowing that I have to speak up now. I can't just let her torment me while I sit here in silence. "You never got the friend discount before, why do you think Finn would let you get the girlfriend discount?" I narrow my eyes, annoyed. The fact that she thinks that her throwing the word _girlfriend_ out is going to make me cry my eyes out in her presence is disgusting. Has she not learned anything in our nearly decade of friendship?

"Just wondering," Serena says innocently before handing Finn a crisp twenty dollar bill, then putting her hands onto the edge of the counter, pushing herself slightly over to kiss Finn. I nearly throw up at the sight.

"So are you coming over tonight? I mean, you have every night since Friday," She looks at me as she says her second sentence. But I keep the outside of my body calm, controlled, although I could be blowing steam out of my ears if I didn't restrain myself.

"Um, I don't think I can," Finn lies unconvincingly, although Serena seems to buy it, pouting. "I think I'm going over to Hazel's house tonight for dinner." Serena's jaw drops as does mine. What is he talking about, "_dinner at Hazel's house_"?

But then I know. Mondays were and always have been reserved as dinner with the Odairs, switching between houses each time. Usually it's fun, something to look forward to on the lazy Mondays that begin school, but I've forgotten all about it until now, and it's just one more thing that I'm positively dreading.

"Oh," Serena purses her lips, obviously annoyed. "Well I guess I'll call you?" But she doesn't wait for his response. She again leans over to kiss him, but Finn pulls away quickly, surprised this time.

"Look, I'll call you alright? I need to talk to you about some things," Finn says, nervousness clear in his voice. I nearly burst out laughing, knowing that he can see her trying to make me jealous. Or at least, I hope he does. Why do I care anyways if he can see it? He's still going to ignore me no matter what, even if they break up or whatever. Our friendship is gone. Non-existent. Nothing.

Serena doesn't seem to get it, _probably because she's a blonde_. "Alright, well, bye then," She walks away, the cookies still sitting upon the counter as the door swings closed behind her, but not before giving me a look that says, _watch your back, I know how to kill_.

"You aren't _really_ coming over for dinner, are you?" I ask carefully, my brain telling me to shut the hell up but my heart telling me to go on.

Finn looks at me in shock. "Why wouldn't I? Isn't that a tradition?" He raises his eyebrows, as if he doesn't get that there is a strain in what is our friendship, if there is anything left.

"You know why."

"Why can't we let Friday and Saturday go? What did I do to ever piss Hazel Mellark off?"

I rest my elbows on the counter, putting my face in my hands. What did he do? Oh, he only just left me on my own without a ride on prom night; he's dating my best friend who I'm sure he doesn't even know half as well as he knows me. He told me to "_get off my period_". So why was I mad?

"Look Finn, I honestly don't want to talk about it. I'm sure that if you looked into this deep enough, then maybe you'd understand. But you obviously can't get it through that thick head of yours-" _Stop talking Hazel_, my brain tells me, but I keep going on. "So I guess you'll never know. My shift is over-" _No it's not_. "See you later or whatever."

I awkwardly jog my way toward the bakery door, unsure if I'm supposed to storm out of here in a fast walk or in speedily run my way out, so I suppose this is in the middle. But I guess my uncomfortable exit was too slow; because Finn grabs my arm and pulls me toward his chest, closer and closer until my head is awkwardly touching his neck slightly, not close enough for me to nestle between his shoulder and his head but just for me to be able to be close to it. His arms are warmly wrapped against my body, boobs or waist or whatever. However, my arms hang lamely next to me, forcing me to look like a pencil.

"I just want us to all be friends," Finn whispers in my ear, chills running down my back, arms, a blush creeping upon my face. His voice was so… Sexy? Through the course of our friendship, I had never noticed his voice getting so deep. It was a gradual change of course; I had never seemed to catch it until now.

I yank myself apart from him, reminding myself _not to trust him; he hurt you, that he and you will never be together_. I had been so wrapped up, _literally_, in how great his arms were to be around me, how his voice had been so dark and sultry and who knows how else to describe how he sounded when he muttered those words?

"Stop," I croak, my voice weak and lying, becoming blatantly obvious that I don't mean the word that I mutter back.

"Hazel" is the only thing he says as his emerald eyes, shining like jewels, watch my blue ones. I look away, lowering my head down to our feet, so close together. Just as our friendship used to be, close.

What might have happened if I had made my move on Finn? Would he have rejected me, or taken me in his arms for a searing kiss? Would we elope as soon as I whispered my feelings (which would be totally and completely dumb and unrealistic, but I can dream, right?) Or perhaps our friendship would fall apart, just as it is now.

I wonder how it feels to be kissed by Finn. No doubt he was probably an amazing kisser, otherwise Serena wouldn't be making out with him in the East wing at school, like I had saw them when I was walking to lunch but quickly turned my heel as soon as I spotted lips clumsily mashed together and the flicker of blonde and bronze mixed together.

"Finn, when everything goes back to the way that things should be, then maybe we can be friends again, alright?" I have to remain strong. I'm not going to be putty in his hands, a hug and we can be just like we were before. I'm going to get what I want, and that's Finn and Serena breaking up. It's horrible to wish for maybe, but was I going to let Serena brag about their relationship in my face just so I could go home to sob in my pillow until it's sopping wet? No, I wasn't.

Finn slowly nods, probably trying to process the fact that for once, he isn't getting what he wants. I'm not saying that Finn is spoiled (although he is), but things usually turn out great for him. Getting the spot as captain of the swim team, never _once_ looking terrible, having two loving parents and a humongous house. All just some of the things that are a regular in the life of Finn Odair.

"Alright," He says, a tinge of sadness that makes me want to wrap my arms around his muscular body, but I remind myself _not to be putty_.

"See you during dinner, okay Finn?" I say, my voice so quiet that I'm unsure whether he had heard me or not. But I know he hears me as his head nods, biting his lip as if he was trying to keep himself from saying something wrong.

He leans in toward me, his tanned, toned arms out, but they don't aim to wrap around my waist or whatever, they go for my neck. What is he trying to do, choke me with his forearms or something? Or maybe he's going for a bear hug? But I remain frozen, unsure of what in the hell I'm even supposed to be doing in the first place.

"Hazel," He whispers, his voice dark and his eyes tinted with something I can't quite make out. Hatred? Pain?

But eventually, I understand what he's doing. What that look in his eyes is. Lust. I want to back away, tell him to stop, we can't be doing this, people might see. But my body doesn't move, my feet remain planted upon the _yet again_ flour-dusted floors, not budging.

"What are you-"I sputter, although I know exactly what he's doing as our noses awkwardly touch, and I realize I am going to finally know what Finn Odair's lips will taste like, feel like, the aftermath of the event.

His lips clumsily touch mine, but I do not move my lips against his. I'm sure it feels as if a dead frog was kissing him, but I cannot function any part of my body. I cannot twirl my fingers through his bronze hair, nor can I pull him closer to me. All I can do is taste how his lips are salty like the sea, but sweet like the sugar cookies he had made an hour ago.

It feels like an hour before my arms can finally function, and when they do, I push his chest.

"What the hell was that?" I scream, frowning. I don't know whether I liked the fact that Finn was the one kissing me or not. They were so soft, so _right_, but at the same time so wrong.

I was only happy that he wasn't my first kiss, that my first wouldn't make me feel so guilty. My first kiss had been taken by a boy named Darius in the seventh grade when I was sitting under the tree that Finn and I had usually met up under, an old oak, and he had sputtered a couple of nervous sentences before putting his inexperienced lips upon mine. I kept my eyes open for that one, noticing his friends laughing behind him. So my previous kisses hadn't been all that great.

Finn doesn't meet my eyes; he instead just scratches the back of his head and looks behind me, a guilty look planted upon his face. "I-I don't know." Silence.

"You can't go kissing people when you've got a girlfriend, Finn! Didn't you know that? We can't do this! We aren't even _friends_!" I feel my face turn red, brighter than the red velvet cupcakes sitting in the glass case to show for the customers.

Finn gives me a look, full of embarrassment and shame. "I just had to, just _once _Hazel," His voice is almost begging, as if he knew from even _before_ the kiss that it wasn't right, he knew that he shouldn't kiss his ex-best friend.

"You're a freak, Finn," I spit. Bile comes up from my throat but I manage to keep it down for the sake of keeping Finn from trying to help me. How embarrassing would it be to call someone a _freak_ then throwing up all over the floor and having them help you?

"I'm sorry," He mumbles, "I don't know, okay?"

"Get your shit together, Finn."

A customer comes bustling in, obviously in a hurry as she practically pushes us out of her way and over to the register. She looks around nervously.

"Anyone here?" She asks quickly, looking at the both of us.

"Right here, ma'am," I mutter, jogging back behind the counter. I finish her order, but not before she embarrasses me.

She smiles, her makeup-caked face slightly wrinkling as she does so. "Sorry for interrupting you and your boyfriend. You guys are _adorable_ together!"

I almost release the vomit crawling up from my throat but I again manage to keep it down. "We aren't together, ma'am."

"Oh, well, I must be going then," She blushes a scarlet red before scurrying back to the door, swinging the door open and leaving.

"Even strangers think we'd be good together," Finn mumbles, his eyes so innocent, as we were eight and nine again, and he had just broken his mother's vase when we were throwing a football around.

My face burns, half anger and half pain. "If you think that, then why're dating Serena? As much as I don't like her right now-" I want to use _hate_, but I really _don't _hate her, just annoyed. "You don't do this shit, Finn! If you liked me, then why didn't you make a move on me before? You're a chicken shit, Finn!"

It feels like years before he finally responds.

"I'll see you at six."

* * *

**okay im sorry it was terrible and super unrealistic im sorry but thanks for reading anyways please review? i love you guys okay**


	4. hiatus

**hello friends**

**i obviously haven't written this story in a while and guess what's coming **

**yep that's right if you haven't already guessed by the chapter name I'm putting this story on hiatus just like i did on my other story yay**

**i had an epiphany in about may that i cannot hold a story together unless i write the entire thing and then post it little by little because i am a huge doofus who cant write for shit and it takes me like ten hours just to write two sentences down **

**if im not back and writing by september, most likely this story will be adopted by somebody else as well as my other completely shitty story that i havent even planned the plot out aka ****_torn_**

**thank you for being great and i really appreciate all of your reviews honestly like it makes me so happy that somebody actually clicked and put up with my crappy writing and everything and above that favorited and followed and reviewed and stuff like i don't know if you guys know this but it just makes my heart swell and maybe it might explode but that's okay **

**anyways thank you and hopefully i will get my head screwed back on straight in a couple weeks and crack a few mediocre chapters out and yeah so ill see you guys later thank you so much **

**-alison**


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